God Knows Us

Psalm 139:1-6,13-18 and 1 Samuel 3:1-20 speak to me of the ways in which God knows us even when we lose sight of ourselves. Psalm 139 reminds us God searches us. God knows what is deep in our hearts even when we don’t know or can’t express it in an outward way. The psalm reminds us that we are formed by God and God knows us before we are born. God knows us at every moment in our lives. God knows us when we are at our best and when we are at our worst.

God knows our desires, our secrets…even the secrets we keep hidden from ourselves. There are moments in our lives when we want to hide from others… We can find ways of doing this….moving away, disconnecting, changing appearance. There are moments in our lives when we want to hide from God….but we cannot. Even when we hide from other people, we have not succeeded in hiding from God.

In Samuel, we read the story of Samuel’s call. A little background to Samuel. …
Samuel’s mother desperately wanted a child. Several years prior to this passage she had travelled to Shiloh, a city where the Ark of the covenanted stayed and where the Hebrew community gathered. She talked with the priest, Eli, and she prayed for a child.

She became pregnant with Samuel and when Samuel was a bit older, she took him to Shiloh and dedicated him to God. Samuel stayed there as Eli’s servant and protégé. Each year when Hannah visited Samuel, Eli would say, “Samuel was born in answer to your prayers.” (1 Samuel 2:20) God formed this child. Samuel was knit by God in Hannah’s womb and God’s eyes saw him before he was born.

Samuel doesn’t know or recognize God, but God knows him. This brings us to the part of the story we heard this morning. Samuel is growing up and he continues to serve Eli. One night, Samuel and Eli have settled down for the night. Samuel heard a voice call his name. He jumped up and ran to Eli. Of course, it was Eli calling him. Who else would call him in the middle of the night? Maybe Eli needed a drink of water, maybe he wasn’t feeling well. Samuel heard his name being called and was ready to serve Eli however he needed.

Except that when he arrived at Eli’s bedside, Eli is still asleep. When Samuel rouses him, he’s a bit groggy and confused. Eli assures Samuel that he’s ok and sends him back to bed. They both drift off into a peaceful sleep. Then the voice comes again to Samuel: “Samuel.” Samuel jumps up again and runs to Eli….Again he finds Eli fast asleep. Samuel rouses Eli. Eli assures him he’s fine and needs nothing and sends him back to bed.

Again, they both fall back to sleep. The voice come to Samuel again. He is sure he hears his name. He jumps up and runs to Eli. Eli finally gets an inkling of what’s going on. He tells Samuel to go back to bed and that it is God who is calling him.

I imagine Samuel being somewhat perplexed. Wouldn’t most of us wonder at a direct message from God? But he goes back to bed and waits….This time Samuel is prepared and responds… “Speak, your servant is listening.”

God proceeds to give Samuel a message to pass on to Eli. It’s a message of destruction for Eli and his whole family. I can imagine Samuel sitting awake the rest of the night, trying to figure out what do with this message. Should he tell Eli? Should he keep it to himself? How should he tell it? When should he tell it…Before or after breakfast? Maybe there’s someone else who could take the message to Eli….I imagine Samuel trying to find a way out of delivering the message.

In the morning, Samuel gets up and carries on as though nothing has happened. He opens the doors of the temple and carries on with his morning tasks. It might be his way of trying to hide from Eli and hide from God.

But Eli is perceptive and knows something is up. He questions Samuel and wants to know what God had to say. I’m sure Samuel wishes the earth would open and swallow him up so he wouldn’t have to say this difficult thing.

There’s no hiding for Samuel. God doesn’t let him hide and neither does Eli. When things are difficult, I prefer to hide. It is easier to carry on and go through usual routines. But the Psalm reminds us that God searches and knows us. God knows what we are thinking and feeling. God goes ahead of us through life. God comes behind us in life. We are always…no matter what, surrounded by God. Our relationship with God is something that is a thing of wonder and beauty and something mysterious and inexplicable. Acts 17:28 describes it this way “In God we live and move and have our being.” We are immersed in God throughout our lives. It is God who gives us breath and spirit. It is God who shapes us and forms us. We remember that we are not alone but held forever in God’s love.

Family Secrets

 

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Genesis 37 begins the story of Joseph, son of Rachel and Jacob. The story goes that Joseph was Jacob’s most loved son. He also had the ability to dream and interpret dreams. He dreams that he will be great—greater than anyone else in his family. He doesn’t keep these dreams to himself. He tells the whole family. The lectionary includes the first dream where Joseph sees the family’s wheat sheaves bowing down to his sheave. The lectionary leaves out the second dream in which the sun, moon and eleven stars bow down to him. His father questions the validity of the dream and Joseph’s interpretation that his family will bow down to him.

The lectionary includes the story of the brother’s jealousy. Some of the brothers want to kill Joseph but  Rueben (who has been vying for his father’s place) prevents Joseph’s death and has him dumped into an empty well. A caravan passes by and the brothers sell Joseph into slavery in Egypt. They fake Joseph’s death by killing a goat, covering his coat in blood.

The lectionary drops out here again as the family rallies around and tries to comfort Jacob–but to no avail. He is unwilling to let go and move through his grief. The brothers are interesting in the way they faked Joseph’s death and now try to offer comfort. It would take some doing for all the brothers to commit to covering up this crime and keep up the façade of grieving siblings. I wonder if any of the brothers told their wives, their sister Dinah, their mothers? Was everyone else in on the secret with only Jacob being left out? Whatever the case, it seems Jacob was unaware of the deception for years. That is a long time to keep a family secret. I wonder how this secrecy impacted on family relationships. Was Joseph ever mentioned or was his name avoided entirely? How could the brothers care for Jacob, work with him and never give a hint about what really happened to Joseph? Did Jacob ever question the story his sons told him?

How many families carry secrets that no one talks about? There might be someone who is cut off from the family because of an unplanned pregnancy, an abortion, or an unsanctioned romance. Maybe a family member struggles with addiction or mental illness and family covers it up. Holding the secrets takes energy and puts up walls that block communication and prevents authentic relationship. How is it possible to be in a true relationship if there is a secret hidden just below the surface? As new people join a family, it becomes harder to remember who knows and who doesn’t. New members might notice that there’s something hidden even if they can’t identify the content of the secret. It makes for awkward family gatherings. After a while, family members might even avoid each other so they can avoid the secret.

Previously, Jacob seemed to disappear into himself as he struggled with all the tragedy of his life. This loss adds another layer of loss and grief that he might not be able to cope with. His family doesn’t alleviate his grief with honesty but keeps up the charade. Perhaps once the lie started, it was too painful to tell the truth. If the truth came out, Jacob’s grief over Joseph’s supposed death could become anger at the brothers. Maybe that was just too big a risk for them and so they remained silent.

This raises the question about what to do in families where there has been a secret kept for many years. Is it better to bring it out in the open and risk a change in the emotional lives of family members or to remain silent and maintain the status quo? Talking about whatever the secret is will change the family dynamics and change the relationship between members—maybe for better, maybe for worse. There is no way of knowing ahead of time the outcome of truth-telling. No one can decide the right thing to do except those directly involved in the secret. However the secret is handled it needs to be with love and compassion for ourselves and other family members and commitment to living with whatever the outcome of sharing a secret or remaining silent.