Tamar the Hero

 

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Genesis 38 focuses on a story about Judah, the fourth son of Jacob and Leah. Jacob married Shua’s daughter and they had three sons. Their oldest son, Er, married a woman named Tamar. Er died without children. At the time, there was a custom called Levirate marriage. In this custom, the closest male relative of a man who died without children would have sex with the widow. If she became pregnant, those children would be credited to the dead husband. In this story, after Er’s death, his younger brother Onan took Tamar but avoided getting her pregnant. He also died. Judah didn’t want his third son to die and so sent Tamar home to her family.

As a widow without children who has been sent home, Tamar has lost her identity in the community. She is not a wife, not a mother. She exists as a daughter/widow that no one really wants. Without children, Tamar’s status will not change. She knows that Er has another brother that Judah has avoided giving her.

When Tamar hears that Judah will be nearby she dresses as a temple prostitute (which was a recognized role in the Canaanite community). She holds Judah’s signet ring, cord and staff as collateral to collect payment at a future date. In their encounter, Tamar becomes pregnant. Judah’s immediate response upon hearing of the pregnancy is to call for her burning.

Tamar reveals the collateral belonging to Judah and her life is saved. She now has a place in the community as a widowed mother. In the first part of the story, Tamar is simply shuttled between men—her father, Er, Onan, and back to her father. It is Judah who controls these relationships and her living arrangements.

In the second part of the story, Tamar takes responsibility for her life and her place in the community. The story does not condemn Tamar for using her sexuality to create a social role and security for herself. In Matthew 1, Tamar is listed as part of Jesus’ genealogy. 

In the Genesis story, it is Judah whose conduct is called into question. By refusing to provide for his son’s widow and creating a situation where Tamar has no role in the community, Judah avoids his responsibility. It is Tamar who publicly holds him to account for his lack of concern. Tamar becomes the hero of the story.

Many strong, courageous women follow in Tamar’s footsteps to create a place and a role for themselves. They refuse to be defined by the expectations that their communities and families place on them.

Family Secrets

 

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Genesis 37 begins the story of Joseph, son of Rachel and Jacob. The story goes that Joseph was Jacob’s most loved son. He also had the ability to dream and interpret dreams. He dreams that he will be great—greater than anyone else in his family. He doesn’t keep these dreams to himself. He tells the whole family. The lectionary includes the first dream where Joseph sees the family’s wheat sheaves bowing down to his sheave. The lectionary leaves out the second dream in which the sun, moon and eleven stars bow down to him. His father questions the validity of the dream and Joseph’s interpretation that his family will bow down to him.

The lectionary includes the story of the brother’s jealousy. Some of the brothers want to kill Joseph but  Rueben (who has been vying for his father’s place) prevents Joseph’s death and has him dumped into an empty well. A caravan passes by and the brothers sell Joseph into slavery in Egypt. They fake Joseph’s death by killing a goat, covering his coat in blood.

The lectionary drops out here again as the family rallies around and tries to comfort Jacob–but to no avail. He is unwilling to let go and move through his grief. The brothers are interesting in the way they faked Joseph’s death and now try to offer comfort. It would take some doing for all the brothers to commit to covering up this crime and keep up the façade of grieving siblings. I wonder if any of the brothers told their wives, their sister Dinah, their mothers? Was everyone else in on the secret with only Jacob being left out? Whatever the case, it seems Jacob was unaware of the deception for years. That is a long time to keep a family secret. I wonder how this secrecy impacted on family relationships. Was Joseph ever mentioned or was his name avoided entirely? How could the brothers care for Jacob, work with him and never give a hint about what really happened to Joseph? Did Jacob ever question the story his sons told him?

How many families carry secrets that no one talks about? There might be someone who is cut off from the family because of an unplanned pregnancy, an abortion, or an unsanctioned romance. Maybe a family member struggles with addiction or mental illness and family covers it up. Holding the secrets takes energy and puts up walls that block communication and prevents authentic relationship. How is it possible to be in a true relationship if there is a secret hidden just below the surface? As new people join a family, it becomes harder to remember who knows and who doesn’t. New members might notice that there’s something hidden even if they can’t identify the content of the secret. It makes for awkward family gatherings. After a while, family members might even avoid each other so they can avoid the secret.

Previously, Jacob seemed to disappear into himself as he struggled with all the tragedy of his life. This loss adds another layer of loss and grief that he might not be able to cope with. His family doesn’t alleviate his grief with honesty but keeps up the charade. Perhaps once the lie started, it was too painful to tell the truth. If the truth came out, Jacob’s grief over Joseph’s supposed death could become anger at the brothers. Maybe that was just too big a risk for them and so they remained silent.

This raises the question about what to do in families where there has been a secret kept for many years. Is it better to bring it out in the open and risk a change in the emotional lives of family members or to remain silent and maintain the status quo? Talking about whatever the secret is will change the family dynamics and change the relationship between members—maybe for better, maybe for worse. There is no way of knowing ahead of time the outcome of truth-telling. No one can decide the right thing to do except those directly involved in the secret. However the secret is handled it needs to be with love and compassion for ourselves and other family members and commitment to living with whatever the outcome of sharing a secret or remaining silent.

The Forgotten Brother

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Jacob’s story is almost concluded. He has been front and centre throughout this part of the Genesis narrative. Here, chapter 36 focuses on the descendants of Esau, Jacob’s brother. This is the brother who was wronged and cheated out of his birthright and blessing. Up until this moment, it seems that Esau was peripheral to God’s story. The fact that Esau and his descendants are contained in the narrative suggests that the writers wanted to make sure he was not forgotten.

Esau was not forgotten in the story and he was not forgotten by God. The story primarily follows Jacob, but the story does not exclude the contribution of others. There is an important reminder for our time.

There is sometimes a tendency to assume that God has chosen “our people” and excludes all others.  People that we see as like ourselves are included all others are excluded. You can put this boundary around race, gender, sexual orientation, religion and many other categories. This segregation works well for groups that are in positions of power but can be very harmful to other groups of people.

We live in a time when diversity is becoming more obvious and visible. There is often tension and sometimes longing for a time when everyone appeared similar. It wasn’t that diversity didn’t exist in the past. It was present but often hidden or ignored.

This passage reminds us that God’s concern extends beyond those of us who claim a Christian faith. God’s concern extends to all people and creation. The Bible offers a particular story of faith, but it isn’t the only story of faith. Within the human story, we need to make sure that voices other than our own are heard and valued. It is sometimes easier to simply hear the people and stories that reinforce our positions of authority and power. This passage challenges us to remember that the way we see and experience the world is not the only way.

A Moment for Change

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The story of Jacob continues immediately following the story of Dinah. That story is one filled with violence and horror. In this part of the story, Jacob’s household needs to cleanse themselves of the violence which has occurred. Dinah needs a place for healing. The brothers need to put an end to the rage and revenge that was within them. They also need to remove themselves from the region for their own physical safety.

It is in these circumstances, that God calls Jacob to return. He needs to return to Bethel—a place of significance for him in his relationships with God. In order to return, he needs to prepare himself and his household. There are cleansing rituals and the removing of clothes—perhaps literally—covered in blood. Finally, all the idols including those Rachel stole and hid from her father are removed. They are buried under and oak. It is possible, the idols and jewelry could have been sold. There is no righteous anger that leads Jacob to destroy the idols as we see other places in scripture. It is simply that these idols no longer serve the community and they need to be left behind. It seems Jacob is finally making a choice about which God he will follow. Maybe Dinah’s rape and the violence that followed brought Jacob to a place of self-reflection. There seems to be a shift here as the story prepares to move to the next generation.

Jacob returns to Bethel, a place where he had previously encountered God, and again has a significant experience in which he receives a blessing. As they continue to travel, Benjamin is born and Rachel dies. There is another opportunity for Jacob to reflect on his life. It is possible that in his grief and loss he entered a depression. Verse 22 mentions in passing that Reuben took Bilhah. It may be that Reuben was trying to claim his place as head of the household.

The final verses of this passage tell the story of Isaac’s death. Jacob and Esau are there to bury him. This is another opportunity for self-reflection. With so much grief and loss coming together, it may be the moment where Jacob is head of the household in name only. As the story continues to unfold, in the coming chapters, Jacob dotes on Joseph to the detriment of his other children. It is Reuben who seems to be in charge as Joseph is sold into slavery.

I wonder if Jacob lost his passion for life. We no longer see Jacob’s cunning and decisiveness. I wonder if the violence and death have changed his perspective and even his personality.

In our own lives, those dramatic and sometimes traumatic experiences of violence, birth and death are moments that can change us

forever. These moments can be a source of great and pain and brokenness that last a lifetime. These can also be moments of reflection and an opportunity for change and growth.

Dinah and #Me Too

Genesis 34 tells the horrifying story of Dinah. Except that it isn’t her story. It is her story told from the perspective of the men in her life.

Dinah is a young woman (maybe even a child) who is raped by a wealthy and powerful man. Following the rape, we are told that “Shechem’s soul was drawn to Dinah and that he loved the girl.” Many commentaries have taken this to mean that he loved her, and then turned the story is turned into a romance. Regardless of Shechem’s intention, the fact that he “seized her and lay with her by force” means that this is not romance.

Genesis and many commentaries tell the story so that it becomes about the economic benefits that might be found through a marriage alliance. It becomes a story about how Simeon and Levi avenge their sister and the trouble this causes for Jacob.

The story, as it is told, isn’t really about Dinah. We don’t hear her perspective on any of it. Dinah should be the central character in a story about her. The story begins with Dinah and ends with Dinah but in between it is all about the men and their responses to her attack.

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The #Me Too movement reminds us of the importance of hearing women’s stories and of listening to the difficult realities. It is much easier and more comfortable to make Dinah’s story about an economic alliance or a romance than to stay present with the reality of violence against a woman.

I just came from a meeting where someone said, “we need to be comfortable with the uncomfortable.” The reference was to the work of reconciliation with Indigenous Canadians, but the sentiment seems to apply here as well. When a story makes us uncomfortable it is easier to ignore it completely, to lash out at the storyteller, or gloss it over in a way that makes it more palatable.

What would the world look like if we carefully listened to each other’s stories—even the challenging ones? Too often we find stories being dismissed for a variety of reasons. Sometimes, the victim is blamed. Sometimes, they are accused of making the stories up. Sometimes, the powerful are able to hide the truth. This seems to be shifting a bit with the #Me Too movement as awareness is raised. I wonder how much the reality is shifting for ordinary women who go through life with co-workers and spouses. Are ordinary women without a public profile becoming more confident in sharing their reality and saying no to the violence? Can they tell their stories without being blamed, dismissed or anticipating additional violence? Can they tell their stories and be heard with all the discomfort the stories raise?

Stories of violence raise questions about the reality of our society, gender roles and stereotypes, the way children continue to be socialized as boys and girls. Violence against women is often viewed as a woman’s issue but the violence happens because not all men have learned appropriate behavior towards women, and don’t have a sense of how their power impacts others.

In the thousands of years since Genesis was recorded, we still haven’t learned how to be comfortable with the uncomfortable. We still haven’t learned how to hear the stories as a reality but try to make them into something more comfortable and palatable. I don’t know exactly what happened to Dinah, but I do know that it should not have happened. I also know that violence against women continues to happen and it shouldn’t happen. The stories need to be told so the reality can change the future.

Relationship Requires Presence

Two weeks ago, I wrote about Jacob preparing to meet his brother, Esau, after several years apart. Wives and children have appeared, and property has been acquired. In anticipating the meeting, both have the potential for loss and the potential for gain. It depends on how each responds. Today in Genesis 33:1-20 the anticipated meeting occurs.

Jacob is still uncertain of his welcome. He goes first, followed by the maids and their children. Then comes Leah with her children and finally Rachel and Joseph. His strategy seems to be that if the meeting goes badly, Rachel and Joseph will have the most chance of escape.

The meeting of brothers happens without bloodshed and there seems to be a reconciliation. Jacob gives gifts to Esau. Esau resists at first but finally takes the livestock and people offered to him. I wonder if Jacob is trying to make amends for what he stole from Esau when they were young. Maybe the gifts are an attempt to manipulate Esau into allowing Jacob and his family to settle in the area.

The meeting starts out well, but Jacob isn’t really committed to an on-going relationship with Esau. Esau invites Jacob to come to Seir with him. Jacob begs off saying his children and cattle need rest and he will follow at a slower pace. Instead of following Esau, Jacob heads in the opposite direction and settles at Shechem. If he really wanted a relationship with his brother, you would think he would settle in the same area so there would be more opportunities for contact. The fact that he said he would follow and then didn’t suggests that Jacob can’t quite bring himself to deal honestly with the people around him.

By not being willing to be in proximity, Jacob missed an opportunity for a relationship. It is much easier to spend time with people with whom we feel comfortable. Often, this division is found along racial, ethnic and religious lines. As Yorkton, SK continues to see an increase in immigration from many parts of the world, this division is becoming more obvious. I also see it lived out in the disconnect between Indigenous and non-Indigenous people. It is easy and comfortable for many of us to stay within our own racial groups.

Stepping outside those boundaries requires a bit of gumption and courage. A friend from Gujarat, India recently invited us to attend a party to celebrate Diwali. Diwali is a Hindu festival to celebrate the triumph of good over evil. Our little group of attendees included a Gujarat Christian, a Punjabi Sikh, and two white Christians. The remainder of the attendees were Hindu Gujarati. Even though I was a white Christian at this event with no understanding of the Gujarati language or dance steps, I felt welcomed. If it hadn’t been for my friend being willing to cross boundaries, I would have missed this opportunity of presence.

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Building new relationships and rebuilding broken ones requires us to step out of our comfort zone and into the presence of people who might seem different. For the health of our communities, we must be willing to celebrate diversity and mix with a variety of people. We must be willing to have a presence that invites connection and relationship. Jacob couldn’t take that step towards a long-term relationship with his brother. They were no longer estranged but they were also not connected. As a result, they continued on separate paths.

If we are to find a way of building strong communities we must be connected and have a sense of being together on a journey towards healing and compassion.

It’s All Good!

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Jacob, who has spent his life tricking people, now needs to meet his brother with vulnerability. This is not the moment for another trick or questionable negotiation. Genesis 32:1-8 is a moment for Jacob to decide whether he will trust that his brother will not harm him. It is also a moment for him to trust that even if he does come to harm, there is a greater force at work.

One of my favourite sayings is, “It’s all good.” My husband challenges me regularly whether if I’m about to crash into something and die, it really is all good. My answer is still yes. Things might not go my preferred way. Yes, I might die in some tragic and unexpected way and even in the midst of the chaos, God is present. It’s all good, doesn’t refer to a magic formula whereby everything is perfect. The world is an imperfect place. It’s all good, doesn’t mean that I will be able to avoid suffering or loss or pain. It’s all good, is about my ability to stay grounded and present even in the midst of uncertain realities. It is about having a sense of trust that even though it isn’t good in this moment, in the long-term, the pieces of life will fall back into place and some kind equilibrium will be found. It is about my ability to trust God’s presence even when it feels like the world is falling apart.

Violence, the threat of violence, poverty and natural disasters are realities for many people here in Canada and around the world. It’s all good doesn’t mean it is right. It doesn’t mean that I can sit back and say God will look after them in another life. It’s all good means that God is present in the midst of whatever is happening. It’s all good, conjures up an image of God’s kingdom among us…The kingdom that is already here and the kingdom that is yet to come on earth. We are all called to live in the present with whatever reality surrounds us and plan for a future time when it really is all good.

I can imagine Jacob sending a messenger to his brother and then hearing the response that his brother is coming with four hundred other men. Jacob doesn’t know in what kind of mood he will find Esau. He doesn’t know whether Esau is still angry at him. He doesn’t know whether Esau is bringing others as a welcoming committee or as an army. Jacob has moments to decide how he will respond. He could gather his own people and form an impromptu army to defend themselves or he could be vulnerable. He chooses trust. He chooses that it will all be good.

Jacob doesn’t just wait for Esau to arrive. He plans for the possibility that he will not be welcomed by dividing his belongings and people into two groups. It is a stance that gives him options without being confrontational. No matter what happens, it’s all good. Some might be killed but some might survive. He might have to give some of his belongings and people to his brother. He and his brother might reconcile or they might not but in this moment, the moment of uncertainty, it is all good.

It’s all good requires a long view of the world. I’m reminded regularly of a Palestinian man who spoke of hope. He spoke about his work for peace and it was clear that he wasn’t doing the work for himself. He was working for peace so that his grandchildren and great-grandchildren might have peace. There are no guarantees of the outcome, just a sense that God intends us to be reconciled to each other and the earth. Hope for the world calls us to constantly trust that God is present in the here and now and God will be present in whatever the future unfolds in front of us.

What became of the gods?

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In Genesis 31:19-55, Jacob decides after twenty yeart it is time to leave Laban and return home. Rather than wait for the long drawn-out farewells, he leaves while Laban is busy sheering sheep. From previous passages, I don’t get the feeling that Jacob, Rachel or Leah are sad about leaving. There’s a sense that there is nothing left for them with Laban.

Just before they leave Rachel steals the household gods. Laban finally catches up with them after seven days. Fueled by his anger, Laban complains that Jacob didn’t allow him to say goodbye to his daughters and grandchildren. In reality, Laban is angry that the gods have been stolen.

There are several theories about the reason Rachel took the gods. The gods could have been important to Rachel for her own spirituality. Perhaps they carried a sentimental value to remind her of the home she would never see again.

The gods would likely have been made from precious metals and maybe stones. They could have a financial value if Rachel or her family were ever in need.

According to Moshe Greenberg, it is also possible that the idols could be used to make a claim for Jacob as head of Laban’s household.  Perhaps even as she leaves, Rachel dreams of returning with Jacob as the head of Laban’s family and she herself as the rightful wife. Perhaps she dreams of Joseph as the head of the household in years to come.

The plan almost falls apart when Laban catches up to them. Jacob commits to killing the culprit if the gods are found. Rachel is able to outsmart Laban and her secret remains. Laban requests a covenant to ensure that the gods are never used against him and that Jacob cannot return to make a claim on his household.

I wonder what became of the household gods and whether Jacob ever found out about Rachel’s theft. Was there a huge confrontation? Did Jacob have the gods destroyed? Were they hidden somewhere? Were they passed on to another generation? We know the family survives a famine. Perhaps they were sold to survive.

We don’t know what happened to these gods but it is significant that the gods and what they represented were of more interest to Laban than his own daughters. Laban returns home empty-handed. Jacob, Rachel and Leah leave with most of Laban’s wealth to return to a different home, reestablish family connections and build a different life.

Family Decision Making

 

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Genesis 30:24-31:18 continues the story of Jacob and Laban. All the children (except Benjamin) have been born and Jacob feels like it is time to return home, but he doesn’t want to go empty-handed. Jacob and Laban negotiate for wages again. Rachel and Leah were part of Jacob’s wages. Now there are goats and sheep up for grabs. Jacob asks for all the spotted, speckled and black animals. Laban agrees and then he goes and removes all the speckled and spotted animals from his herds so that when Jacob goes to get his animals there is nothing there to take.

Jacob uses his knowledge of folklore or magic to ensure that when the animals breed, there are more black, speckled and spotted animals and that his animals are stronger than Laban’s animals. The result is that Jacob grows wealthy with these herds and Laban does not prosper. Once the wealth is amassed it is time for Jacob to return home to his brother and family. He convinces Rachel and Leah telling them of a dream in which God appeared and told him to return home. He seems to need them to agree to come with him. They remind him that Laban was once wealthy and that Jacob now controls the wealth. Rachel and Leah recognize that they have been sold to Jacob and that they are no longer part of their father’s family but are instead foreigners.

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Jacob worked hard at convincing Rachel and Leah, but I wonder how much choice they had in the matter. Could they have refused to leave with Jacob? Could they have convinced Jacob to stay and create a new home for their family with Laban’s wealth? How did Rachel and Leah feel about leaving their family and homeland? Were they ready to head off to a new place and get away from their family? The previous passage indicates there was a rivalry between the sisters. Did they mind going together? Maybe they thought life would be better without their family constantly interfering and meddling in their relationships. Laban hasn’t exactly been a helpful father and set his daughters up to compete against each other. He tricked and tried to outsmart Jacob on several occasions. Maybe they would be better off far away from Laban.

We don’t really get to hear what Rachel and Leah think about this move, except that they feel like outsiders with their own family. I get the sense they no longer belong. Their usefulness as Jacob’s wages has been exhausted so they have no reason to stay. We never do hear from Bilhah and Zilpah. They have even less choice in the matter. I suspect that even though Jacob tried to convince Rachel and Leah, the final decision to leave would be his.

It isn’t uncommon for families to move because of one person’s work or an opportunity. Sometimes the decisions are made together. Sometimes other family members feel like they are giving up their own life for the sake of a spouse or parent. Sometimes people feel like they have a choice. Sometimes it feels like there are no options except to go along. How people feel about a move has to do with the type of relationship, the balance of power in the relationship and the ways in which families communicate and make decisions. Some families tend toward autocratic decision making. Other families have a much more mutual way of making decisions.

Family decision making should include consultation and real participation by all those impacted in the decision. People should feel like their opinion matters. It might not change the final outcome, but the decision will feel more like a shared decision. Hopefully, this makes the transition to something new a bit easier for everyone.

Sister Rivalry

Last week, Jacob arrived at Laban’s and met Rachel. In between these two passages, Jacob arranged to marry Rachel. As part of the agreement he worked for Laban for seven years. Laban tricked him and he ended up married to Leah instead. He worked for another seven years and was finally able to marry Rachel. This is where today’s passage picks up in Genesis 29:29-30:23

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Leah eventually had seven children. The passage attributes Leah’s fertility to her being the unloved and unwanted wife. Rachel, on the other hand, is described as beautiful and loved and has trouble conceiving.  Each sister offers their maid to Jacob so that they might have children attributed to them. And then Leah buys Jacob’s attention with mandrakes. The passage sets up a rivalry between the sisters and the children’s names reflect the flow of the conflict between the sisters. 

Leah’s oldest is named Reuben “Because the Lord has looked on my affliction; surely now my husband will love me.” I can hear Leah hoping that she will be loved and wanted. But having a son didn’t give her the love she wanted from Jacob, so she names her next son Simeon “Because the Lord has heard that I am hated, he has given me this son also.” She recognizes that she is unloved by Jacob and her sons become a bit of a consolation prize. And she tries again, still hoping that Jacob the bond between her and Jacob will be strengthened and names her next son Levi “Now this time my husband will be joined to me,  because I have borne him three sons.” Something shifts for Leah as she names her next son Judah… “This time I will praise the Lord.” Maybe she chooses praise rather than self-pity. Maybe she feels like she has won the sister rivalry. She has four sons while Rachel still has none. Perhaps this is a bit of a gloat on her part.

But Rachel hasn’t given up. Rachel gives her maid, Bilhah, to Jacob and claimed Bilhah’s son as her own. This son is named Dan because “God has judged me, and has also heard my voice and given me a son.” She feels like maybe the stakes are evening out. Bilhah has another son, claimed by Rachel and named Naphtali because “With mighty wrestlings I have wrestled with my sister, and have prevailed.” Perhaps Rachel feels like she is gaining some power in the relationship and things are finally starting to turn in her favour.

If Rachel can do it, so can Leah! Leah gives her maid, Zilpah, to Jacob and names the child Gad, which means “Good fortune!” There’s a second son for Zilpah named Asher: “Happy am I! For the women will call me happy.” It is interesting that Leah’s happiness is dependent on other women’s perception of her. And she still isn’t satisfied. Rachel allows Leah to be with Jacob in exchange for mandrakes. Leah might have Jacob’s attention but Rachel has the fertility mandrakes. Even without the mandrakes, Leah has another son who she names Issachar because “God has given me my hire [wages] because I gave my maid to my husband.”

Leah’s final son is Zebulun. “God has endowed me with a good dowry; now my husband will honour me, because I have borne him six sons.” It appears Zilpah is part of the dowry and now there are six sons. Surely it is enough and Leah will be loved.  There is one daughter to come—Dinah. Her name is not described. But she will feature prominently in upcoming stories.

Finally, Rachel has a child of her own whom she names Joseph. But she isn’t willing to stop at one and lives in hope of more children to come: “May the Lord add to me another son!” Eventually, Joseph is joined by Benjamin.

I can hear the taunting and the hurt between these two sisters. They have a strong need to outdo each other for children. Their sons get caught up in the drama between the sisters which sets the stage for Joseph’s slavery in Egypt. This conflict is not just theirs but becomes multigenerational. How often does conflict get passed between generations? How often do parents need their children to prove their own worth and value or find meaning in their own lives?